I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
