hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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