So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
