I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
