Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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