After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Are my feet made of real feet?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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