matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
