You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
