the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
