Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
