I want to stick my p in your. b.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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