He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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