I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
