U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
