i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
