Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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