I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
