I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i think i have herpe
just one?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
