I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
