Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
