Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
