NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
