explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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