Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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