So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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