I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
