Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
