I bet he comes in French.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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