You were right. It hurts to walk today.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
