So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
