Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
