So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
