When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
