My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You ruined the universe
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
