My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
