So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
