my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
