im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
