He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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