my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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