Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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