Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
