I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
