Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
