Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
