and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Semen is not good for contacts.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
