I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
