he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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