What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
