Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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